Keeping him Sane
A/N: Michael is not with Lindsay in this story. By the way, I love Dan, the Slo Mo Guys wouldn’t be the Slo Mo Guys without him!
Preview: Dan dies, so Gavin loses his mind and memories of everyone. He can only remember Michael, so Michael helps him through it and helps Gavin try and recover his memories.
Gavin’s POV (Point of View)
I was in England when it happened. I was filming a Slo Mo Guys video with my best mate, Dan. It was a dangerous stunt this week, far more dangerous than any we’ve ever attempted. But we thought we could handle it. We could always handle it. Well, that was the first time that we couldn’t fully handle our experiment. We’ve got injured before, but never like this. This was the last time I would film the Slo Mo Guys with my partner. This was also the last time I would ever see Daniel Gruchy ever again.
But, it was then that I finally realized my love for Michael Jones, the person who brought me back to civilization. The person who kept me sane.
“Dan, be careful. Do you want me to try?” I asked my best friend Dan as he attempted to do the most dangerous stunt we’ve ever done in a Slo Mo Guys video.
Dan thought of an interesting but very dangerous idea that he wanted to film for the Slo Mo Guys. It involved fire, and as I knew very well, Dan loved to film things with fire. This idea would probably be the most popular and cool of all our videos, but it would take the most risk of all.
Dan’s idea was to boil a gallon of gasoline, then toss it in the air while throwing a lit match at it. It wouldn’t be so dangerous if it weren’t for the amount and the fact that if we didn’t but the grass out fast enough, it could catch fire to trees and such around it. Or, more importantly, us. I was getting nervous as Dan carelessly poured the gasoline in to the already burning pot. Some caught on the element and flared up. He moved his face out of the way just in time, and I got to my feet.
“Dan, be careful. You almost burnt your mug,” I warned, watching the gasoline cautiously.
“Don’t worry so much,” he said carefree and continues to pour it in.
I made sure to get the hose ready, not trusting the situation what so ever. I also got the Phantom Flex ready to shoot the fire in slow motion as it did. I had to admit, it would look pretty cool. I was a little shaky and nervous, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Then I thought of all the things we’d done in the past, thinking we could handle this.
“Ready?” Dan looked at me as the gasoline started to boil and he picked it up.
I could tell of the weight and stress that was going on Dan’s hand from the pot the way he wasn’t holding it steady, it flopping and shaking slightly. I watched it a little bit with an eerie look and nodded slowly. He held the pot in one hand and the lit match in the other.
“Just be careful,” I cautioned again.
He rolled his eyes at me and nodded, “I know, you’ve already said that twelve times.”
I sighed and waited patiently, hoping everything would turn out well. Just as Dan got ready to throw the gasoline and match in the air together, I noticed everything around us. This was the last stunt we were doing since it was the most dangerous and required the most cleanup. Props from previous videos we had shot early in the day were all around the yard. That’s when I realized that directly behind Dan, was a brick that was holding a tarp down. It was in the place where he had planned to run to get away from the blaze of gasoline when it came raining down.
As everything was thrown into the air I yelled, “Wait, Dan!”
As soon as he threw everything he tried to spin around to start running, and as I predicted, he caught his foot and tripped on the brick that was there. He fell on to his back and suddenly the boiling, blazing gasoline fell on him, hitting his whole body. His shout of pain was all I heard before I was dialing the paramedics.
I was in the waiting room of A and E for several hours as I waited news on Dan. They had told me that he suffered multiple severe burn wounds, and that he needed to be disinfected, bandaged and that his face would possible need to be reconstructed because so much of it had gotten burnt and melted. He also mentioned that there was an eighty five percent chance that he wouldn’t make it do to his body completely rejecting the medical attention, trying to shut down on its self.
I was confident. Dan has always been one to heal quickly and beat the odds on everything. Whether it is life and death, or a simple chance game. Dan would be fine. He would have to be. I was finally allowed in to see him after a few more hours, him being bandaged and on high pain killers. I walked in cautiously and cringed slightly at the sight of him laying there, completely bandaged from head to toe. I couldn’t even tell it was him.
I walked in slowly, watching him as his eyes shifted to the sound of the door. I could tell he was happy to see me, but it looked like it was painful to smile. The only things that were uncovered were his right ear, his eyes and his mouth. I tried to give him my best smile as I walked in, sitting in the chair next to the bed.
“Hey buddy… I would ask how you’re feeling, but obviously not too well,” I smiled slightly but sadly. “The doctor said I shouldn’t let you talk too much.”
“Hey…” he replied with a hoarse voice.
“Are the pain killers helping?” I asked, hopeful.
“N-not by much,” he replied with effort, still trying to give me a smile.
Dan had all ways been happy-go-lucky, trying to make things as positive as possible. It was obvious that he wasn’t doing too well. I could see his eyes drooping a little from exhaustion and his body probably trying to reverse its healing process. I hadn’t noticed until Dan had pointed it out, but I was shaking, and my hands felt numb and cold with nerves. I’ve never seen Dan like this. Honestly, I was terrified.
“Dan… I’m sorry. I knew it was a bad idea, and I should have stopped you,” I looked at him then down, the skin that was exposed around his eyes, mouth and ear was swollen and odd colours.
He shook his head, “It was my idea. Don’t blame yourself Gavin; I’ll get you if you do.”
I smiled at his light joking, laughing slightly, but trying to avoid getting Dan to laugh, “you’ll be all right, won’t you Dan?”
As I said that I could see Dan’s expression change. He was no longer happy and smiling, but his eyelids were drooping more, and his mouth was twisted into an unhappy expression. He moved his arm carefully to mine as the sound of the machine keeping him alive quickened its beeps. He was breathing a little shallower now, trying to form words.
I sat up straight in alarm and my eyes went wide as the beeps on the machine went quicker and quicker, “Dan!”
He kept his hand on my arm as he finally formed words that were a mere croak and whisper with the strain on his body, “did we get the shot? Of the gasoline burning?”
I tried to make sense of his words, realizing this was important to him. I nodded slightly, watching the cord on his machine flail and go loud.
He gave me one last smile as nurses rushed in, “good… make sure it goes up, okay?”
I just nodded, my throat feeling dry and thick to swallow, “I will Lad… I will.”
With that, Dan’s familiar eyes glazed over as the machine made one loud solid beep. All I could hear was the ringing of the machine as I stared at Dan’s lifeless body. How different it looked from just this morning. I watched as every bit of life had been taken from him, compared to how alive he was hours ago.
Nurses pulled me out of the way to get to Dan, and I could feel myself slipping away. Not dying, but going to a place, where things didn’t make sense, where things were dark, and every living memory of my friends and family disappeared. All that was there were myself and Dan, sitting and having a laugh for the last time.
Michael’s POV (Point of View)
Gavin was currently in England, and I had offered to meet him at the airport when he flew back into Austin. Before I left from my apartment to go to the airport, I’d gotten a call from Gavin’s brother. We’d met and Gavin, he and I had all hung out before, so he had my number. When I saw his name come up on my phone, I expected it to be him telling me Gavin would be in soon. I wondered if Gavin had been too much of a lazy asshole to do it himself.
“Hello?” I answered casually.
“Michael, there’s been an accident. You need to come down to the hospital in Oxford as soon as possible. Bring as many as Gavin’s friends as you can,” his voice was edgy and desperate.
I decided not ask why, but I instantly worried, wondering if something had happened on Gavin’s flight, he would be the kind of unlucky prick to get into an accident on a plane, “I could get on the nearest flight. I’ll call you back,” I said before hanging up.
I fumbled with dialling in numbers on my phone. Something terrible must have happened for Gavin’s brother to sound so fucking urgent. I dialled as quickly as I could; phoning a bunch a people that Gavin and I were close with. Geoff, Jack, Ray, Barbara and Caleb said they were able to be at the airport by the time the earliest flight to England arrived.
I thought of what could have been wrong while I drove to the airport. If it had been something with the plane, they probably wouldn’t have any flights going in or out of England for a little bit. Fucking stumped with myself I hurried to the airport and met Geoff and Ray there. We waited for the others and looked at the nearest flight.
It was due right away so we left to get on the plane. We didn’t have any luggage or anything with us, so we got on quickly. We discussed what could have happened for us to need to go down to England. I wasn’t able to call Gavin’s brother, Johnny, back so we just waited anxiously until we got to England a few hours later.
We arrived at the hospital Johnny had told us to go to and my worried nerves traveled higher and higher in me as we had gotten closer to the hospital. I might haze and insult Gavin a lot, but he still was my best friend. Even if he was an ass hole at times. I fucking hated waiting to find out what had happened so I walked quickly through the hospital past the bustling of white nurses, busy doctors and several patients or loved ones. The whole hospital smelt like sanitation, rubber gloves and sterilizer.
We finally found Gavin’s brother and I instantly confronted him,”where’s Gavin? What happened? Is he okay?”
I think everyone was surprised to find me so worried about my friend. Johnny looked at me sadly and I glanced up as Gavin’s parents came out of a room not too far down the hall. I looked at them and quickly hurried to them, demanding to know what had happened.
Gavin’s mother had a tear stained face and his father had his arm around her, trying to comfort her. He looked at me then saw Geoff, Jack, Ray, Barbara and Caleb walk up behind me, wanting to be filled in as well. Their faces were set in with much worry like mine.
Gavin’s father gave me a sad look but tried to smile gratefully, “thank you for coming…”
I looked toward the blind covered room where Gavin’s parents had come from. I was scared at what the fuck might have been hiding behind there. A mess or My Gavin. As I thought, I questioned myself, since when had I called him ‘My Gavin’?
“Is Gavin all right?” Geoff asked worriedly, Gavin practically being like a son to him as well.
Gavin’s mother began to sob again and turn into her husband’s side. He shook his head and looked back at the room, his eyes holding fright and worry, “There’s been an accident. Dan, Gavin’s friend… They were doing some things for their slow motion video routine they do once a month and… Dan was hurt badly. He got severely burnt everywhere. He couldn’t pull through… He didn’t make it.”
Everyone’s faces fell. We all knew Dan well, enough to know how much of a friend he was to Gavin and even to us. He was dead. We had all just lost a dear friend. I couldn’t imagine how Gavin was feeling right now. I wondered if he had gotten hurt to, or what Gavin really had to do with it all. He would be devastated. I wonder if he knew.
“Is Gavin hurt?” I asked instinctively.
“Depends on what you mean by hurt,” Johnny said as he walked up to us.
I narrowed my eyes, “I want to see him.”
“So do we,” Barbara said protectively.
“Let me get the doctor. He’ll explain it,” Gavin’s dad said as he turned to call the doctor from down the hall that was checking charts.
He walked to us and looked at us all, “you’re all friends of the patient?”
I didn’t like the word ‘patient’ attached to Gavin.
“Yeah, is he okay?” Geoff asked worriedly.
The doctor sighed, “not exactly. You see, after the patient who was Gavin’s friend died, Gavin had gone into a trance,” the doctor was looking at his charts as he spoke, “from the weight of losing his friend, his brain tried to shield and protect itself from being traumatized. It got rid of fond memories of the patient who’d died, and of a lot more like his family and possibly his friends. He hasn’t been able to remember anyone or anything aside from the basics like his name, age or where he lives. He responds negatively to everyone who’s been in and who’s tried to remind him of his memories. Nothing has seemed to work. We’re keeping monitored, and if seeing his friends doesn’t work then we’ll try some testing.”
We all took in the knowledge. I looked towards the door that Gavin’s parents had come out of. Behind the door was Gavin, sitting alone and probably scared out of his fucking mind. The door was covered up with a blind so no one could see in or out. I had the sudden urge to go there. Like a force was pulling me towards the door. I wanted to see him immediately.
We were a big part of Gavin’s life. He’s my best friend for fuck sakes. He would remember us. He’d have to. I know he would.
“I hoped maybe that if Gavin were to see some of his close friends that would recover some kind of record in his mind and bring him back to reality.”
“I’ll go first,” I heard Barbra offer.
Barbra was probably Gavin’s best friend that was a girl. There was a good chance that she could get him to remember. She looked confident and determined to see Gavin.
The doctor nodded, “stay in there for a little bit, and try to talk about things that you might have talked about with him before. Just try not to mention Dan. That might put him into a thicker trance.”
Barbra nodded and headed for the door. I watched it open, seeing nothing but white walls and floors in the room. I remembered how Gavin was claustrophobic. I hoped he would be all right in that room.
We waited outside the door anxiously for less than five minutes until Barbra came out. I waited for a spark of happiness or hope in her eyes, but all she had was grief. She shook her head sadly.
“He didn’t remember me. Not at all.”
I frowned nervously as Jack offered to go in next, coming back in a few minutes with the same luck as Barbra. Next Caleb went then Ray, both coming out with sad and unhopeful expressions as had the others.
Geoff and I were the last two there. Geoff stepped towards the door. Gavin would have to remember Geoff. They fucking live together. Geoff was like a father to Gavin. If Geoff couldn’t bring Gavin back, then there is a good chance I wouldn’t be able to either.
We waited impatiently after Geoff had gone in. He was staying in a little longer than everyone else had, so we were confident that Geoff had gotten the little shit to remember. When the door opened again and Geoff walked out, we saw the misery in his eyes that his friend couldn’t remember who he was.
I sighed heavily, my spark of hope disappearing at the fact that Geoff couldn’t even spark Gavin’s memory. I had had a shit ton of confidence that Gavin would remember me. But with Geoff having troubles, that was hard to believe.
I was the last one to go in. I was anxious but nervous to see him. Anxious because I wanted to see his living breathing form, and nervous because I thought deeply that he might not remember me. I unlocked and turned the silver knob to the white door that held Gavin behind it. I took a deep breath and slowly opened it. I peered in and quickly shut the door behind me.
I looked to find his slightly hunched figure in the far end of the room. He was sitting cross legged on the floor, his beak in a book they must have given him to see if he could still read. His hair was mussed around more than usual and he wore the normal clothes that he usually wore. Shorts and a t-shirt with the Achievement Hunter logo on it. There was a hospital gown draped on a chair in the room with an unused bed and night stand. They must have tried to get him to put it on but he had refused like the stubborn and lazy piece of shit he was. He was faced away from me and I could hear him humming to himself, probably trying to keep the silence away from him.
He looked like a different person. He looked very vulnerable. He didn’t belong in the bright white room. He knew he didn’t belong here either. He didn’t know where he was supposed to be, but he knew it wasn’t here. It frightened me, the way he sat and the way hummed to himself, there was something wrong about that humming. Gavin wasn’t one for silence. It made him uncomfortable.
He looked torn. Half of my Gavin, half of the lost, broken Gavin who had just lost Dan, his best fucking friend. I watched him for a little longer before slowly walking more into the room, towards the pale white chair that had his hospital gown on it. He didn’t seem to notice I was here until I moved the chair slightly, it scrapping across the floor.
His humming stopped as the chair moved across the white aluminum floor lightly. He didn’t look around to me. He stared at his book, his head down. I could see his cheek and ear slightly, his unshaved face looking scratchy, but looking like the Gavin I knew. I was unsure if I should approach him or talk to him. I swallowed thickly and nervously before taking a deep breath.
“Gav..?” I asked quietly, hoping so much he would remember.
I saw his head lift up a little. He cocked his head to the side ever slightly, closing his book with trembling hands. I watched carefully for his next move, anxious and a little shaky myself. He didn’t make a movement or sound as he stared at the wall.
“Gavin,” I said again, growing restless with worry.
He moved his shaking hand to run it through his brown hair. I watched with intense eyes as he slowly scooted around to look at me, his brown eyes meeting my green ones. He stared at me, trying to make my face. Trying to match it in his brain. I thought he might not remember me. I thought I might have been lost in his sea of jumbled thoughts. I thought I was going to cry. It felt like it. The fucking pain of his lost memories, me never being there for a single fucking moment.
Tears were about to sting my eyes when Gavin got to his feet, stumbling slightly, still staring at me. His mouth was open and I could tell he was trying to sound something. Trying to sound out words to fit his stare. I hadn’t taken a breath, waiting for what he’d do next.
“Gavin… do you remember me?”
“M-Michael?” his lips trembled.
I just nodded, the sound of his voice saying my name in his funny fucking accent making me want to cry still. But not from the pain, from the joy. I stood there, his eyes sparkling brilliantly, joy filling them. Joy from not being lost anymore.
He left his spot by the wall and rushed to me, running and filling my arms with his body, knocking my beanie off my head with the impact. I put my arms around him, holding him tightly, thinking he might forget me if I didn’t make my presence painfully obvious. I lifted him slightly as I hugged him, feeling like the happiest person ever.
“You fucking bastard,” I laughed happily, “you had me worried you prick.”
He laughed, his high pitched laugh that filled my ears, my insults feeling familiar to him, “Michael… Where have you been?”
“Waiting for you at the fucking airport, ready to meet you when you flew in to Texas. Until I got a phone call from your brother,” I grinned happily letting him go so he could breathe again, out of my grasp.
Gavin was smiling, but then he looked at me confused. I frowned a little. I didn’t want to talk much about the whole incidence, in fright that he might go through a mental break down.
“You really don’t remember, do you…?”
“Remember what?” He asked with a huff.
“Nothing, nothing Gav. I’m just so glad you remember me.”
“Well of course I remember you, you sausage,” his dumb British terms made me smile.
“But what about everyone one else?”
“Who? Thoughts people who came in and talked to me before?” he spoke like he wasn’t good fucking friends with Geoff, Ray, Jack or any one from Roosterteeth that he had known so well just in the morning.
“Gavin, thoughts are our friends… you live with Geoff back in Austin,” I tried to refresh his memory.
“The one with the tattoos? Michael, I think you’re mistaken lad. They all faffed in here, telling me their names and random things, but I don’t know any of them. I’m glad you’re here though… I’m not so scared now. Why am I in the hospital by the way?”
I smiled at him sadly but also happy he at least remembered me, “there was an accident.”
“What kind of accident. I’m not injured or anything,” he spoke innocently.
I didn’t want to bring up Dan, but it might have been the only way to get him to remember everyone. I hoped it would work, and that he wouldn’t just go back into his trance by the wall. The Gavin by the wall was very different from the Gavin I was talking to right now. The Gavin I was talking to was my Gavin.
“Dan was hurt, badly…”
He continued to look at me like Iwas crazy, “who’s Dan?”
“Your best fucking friend Gavin.”
He shook his head, “I don’t know a Dan. You’re my best friend,” he grinned.
Gavin was my best friend that I had, but I had always known Dan had been his. I was his second best friend, but all the sudden he was replacing Dan with me. I had never been jealous of Gavin calling Dan his best friend, because Dan had been friends with him long before I had. I had liked Dan a lot to. We were all friends. It was strange to be called Gavin’s best friend when I knew damn well I wasn’t his first.
I sighed but smiled assuringly to him. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I wanted him to remember, but I knew I had to do that moderately. I motioned for him to sit down on the floor with him, wanting to talk like we use to, like everything was normal. He watched me slightly as we sat, looking as if I would disappear if he took his eyes off of me. That’s how I felt with him to honestly.
“You’re my boy Michael!” He grinned and laughed.
I was glad that he remembered all the stupid shit we would say to each other. It was really fucking weird. He seem to forget everything and everyone but me and the things we’ve talked about and done. He even remembered Achievement Hunter, but he thought him and I were the only ones apart of it. As we talked, I brought up things that we’d done in the past as the Achievement Hunter crew. He remembered all if it, but he excluded Geoff, Jack, Ray and Ryan. He only remembered us doing thoughts things. Like the Let’s Plays. Or the Achievement Guides. He could only remember the Achievement Guides we had done together, or all my Rage Quits and the ones with him. It fascinated me, but also made me sad that he couldn’t recall doing things with the others. I didn’t know what Slo Mo Guys was either.
We had been sitting there and for what must have been a half hour until someone opened the door to the room. I looked up and so did Gavin. He scooted over closer to me. He must have been frightened with all the ‘strangers’ and doctors who had been coming to his room before I’d gotten there.
Geoff walked in and was followed by the doctor I talked to earlier. They saw us on the floor, Gavin getting closer to me, not wanting me to leave. I didn’t want to leave either. Geoff stared at us, being close like we’ve always been. It looked like nothing had changed except for we weren’t in the office with the others.
“Is everything all right in here?” the doctor asked, his question pointed at me.
Gavin grabbed my arm, getting behind me a little. He reminded me of a child who was shy and frightened of strangers. He looked up at Geoff and the doctor like they were people here to harm him or myself. As he gripped my arm and sat hiding behind me, I couldn’t help but think about how he must have been when everyone had come in earlier, frightened and confused, but with no one to hide behind for security.
“Michael, don’t go…” he pleaded, his eyes worried and sad, still focused on Geoff and the doctor.
Geoff noticed he had remembered me, and flash of hope dawned on his face that he had recollection of everyone else. I shook my head to Geoff and to Gavin, looking back at him.
“I won’t buddy. I swear,” I spoke truthfully, “I’m fucking staying,” I wouldn’t leave him to be scared and trapped in a corner.
Geoff frowned and sighed sadly, looking to the doctor then back to me, “can we talk for a second. You can come right back…”
I looked at Gavin who tightened his grip on my arm, shaking his head, “please don’t go.”
I looked around then to the window on the door, “I just need to talk to them right outside the door. I swear I won’t go anywhere but the hall. You can watch and wait for me at the door window, okay? I’ll only be a minute,” I gave him a reassuring smile, hoping he’d take it.
He watched me carefully with large piercing eyes. He looked for the truth in mine. He must have found it because he mustered a nod and looked back to Geoff and the doctor carefully.
“I’ll be right out,” I said to them.
They walked out and Gavin kept his hold on me, “what do they want?”
“Just to talk. They want to know what‘s going on. They’re worried about you,” Gavin looked at me sceptically. I looked him in the eyes, “Trust me Gav.”
He watched me for a moment, his brows furrowed and he nodded, “I do. I trust you Michael.”
I smiled, “you better fucking trust me. C’mon,” I said as I got up, holding my hand out to him to help his wobbly legs to their feet. I pulled him to the door and pulled the blind up for him, “here, you can watch me from here.”
He nodded slowly, letting go of my arm gradually. There were nail marks in my skin where he had been holding me. I would definitely have a bruise. I didn’t really care. I gave him a smile before opening and shutting the door behind me. I looked to the window and made sure I was in his plain sight the whole time. Everyone looked towards the window and Gavin seem to shrink, hunched again, looking like the Gavin who belonged to the wall. Not to me. Since when had I thought he belonged to me…?
I glared at my friends, “assholes, stop starring,” I snapped.
They all quickly looked away and Gavin got a little more comfortable at the window. I looked at them all, crossing my arms and sighing. I wanted to be back in the room with Gavin. To know for sure he was safe. Let him know I was there to protect him.
“He was talking to you. He remembered your name. I heard him. How did you get him to remember?” Geoff asked quickly.
I could hear the disappointment and jealously thick on his voice. I frowned. I really wish he had remembered all of this. Out of all our friends at Roosterteeth, Geoff had done the most for Gavin. I patted his shoulder to comfort him.
“I don’t know… I just walked in and asked if he remembered me. He knew who I was and he ran to me. He’s really scared. He can’t remember anything but living in Austin. He remembers Achievement Hunter and all the Let’s Plays, Achievement Guides and Horse videos we’ve done, but only the parts with me. He thinks that Achievement Hunter is only him and I, no one else,” I said sadly, looking at all their disappointed faces.
“That’s very strange… What are you to him? A friend, a brother, a lover?”
I almost felt myself say yes and agreeing to being his lover. Why the fuck was I thinking this? Gavin and I were good friends. Not boyfriends. I wasn’t even gay. These thoughts surprised me…
I cleared my throat and rubbed my arm where Gavin’s nails had been set into my skin, already forming a bruise, “were friends…”
The doctor nodded slightly, “does he live with you?”
“He lives with me,” Geoff said loudly before I could answer.
The doctor looked at him then to me, “you two live in Austin together though and work together?”
I nodded, looking back to Gavin at the window. He practically had his huge fucking nose pressed against the glass. He waved. I waved back with a small smile, wanting to go back to him.
“Well, since he reacts so strongly to you, I’d like to send him back to America where you live. Since you are the only one who he comfortably trusts, if you accept, I would like to post you legally responsible for him until he can get better. Sign him into a mental ward there. It would be better for him to be in his surroundings like that then here. You could visit him every a day and try and get him to remember more and more. He can go to therapy to-”
“No therapy,” I replied sternly.
“Surely he should go to therapy…”
“Not yet. He’s my legal responsibility, right? I want to wait a bit before putting him into therapy. See how well he does with just me. Therapy will just scare and mess with his fucking head more than it already is.”
The doctor sighed but nodded.
“And I don’t want him staying at a hospital or mental ward. He’ll stay with me in my apartment. Where I can watch him carefully. I don’t want anyone touching him, talking to him or testing him without my permission or without me around.”
“Sir, be reasonable-”
“I fucking am,” I barked back slightly, not really caring about my tone or language when it came to Gavin’s well being, “if he’s with me, he’ll be more safe and comfortable. It’ll be the best surrounding for him to get better and recover his memories.”
I knew my friends agreed with me, and I knew the doctor wouldn’t argue with me since he was making me in charge of Gavin. I was about to turn when the doctor stopped me. He held a small note book with a marble cover out to me. It was blank on the inside.
“I would like you to record a memo of each day with the patient. I want you to take note of any significant or even small changes he is going through. Along with methods, things you’ve done or talked about to try and re-obtain his memories. You can also mark his emotions, his behaviour or the way you two interact if you’d like,” the doctor gave me a kind smile despite the way I’d been talking to him. I nodded and took the note book, looking at it, “If you can I would like you to send me weekly reports on his progress.”
I nodded again then thought, “I’d like to stay here a night before we go back to Austin. He’s had a hectic day, so I’d like to let him rest and sleep. I’ll sit in his room for the night to make sure he sleeps and is comfortable.”
The doctor agreed and told me we could fly out first thing in the morning after Gavin signed out of the hospital. I said good bye to everyone as they decided they would fly back to Austin in the next hour and meet us at my apartment by tomorrow to see if anything had changed.
I returned to the room and Gavin instantly hugged me again. I smiled and hugged him back with the book still in my hand. I patted his back.
“Get off me fucker,” I said with a laugh.
He laughed to and moved out of my arms. I closed the blind on the door so Gavin wouldn’t feel nervous with the passing people. I put the notebook on his night stand, remembering to start writing in it tomorrow.
“What did they want..?” Gavin asked shyly, not questioning the notebook.
“They told me that we could leave the hospital and go back to Austin tomorrow morning. We’ll be staying at my apartment there,” I told him as I picked up the book he had been given from the corner. It was one of the Halo books.
Gavin smiled, “all right. We only have to stay here for tonight?” I nodded and suddenly he grew worried, “where will you go..? Are we flying together?”
I nodded again in assurance, “I’ll be staying here in your room tonight with you. I’ll just sleep in the chair next to the bed,” I gestured to the set up against wall in the middle of the room.
He was instantly happy again but I could see the exhaustion under his eyes. He yawned and I checked the time. It was already 10:30 PM. I hadn’t realized it was so late. It had been a big day for the both of us. Even more so Gavin. I was tired to I walked to Gavin and set up my chair beside his bed.
“We should get to sleep since we have to get up early tomorrow morning to catch our flight,” Gavin easily agreed and went to the door that must have been the bathroom attached to his room.
I watched him go then grabbed a pen out of the drawer in the night stand, sat down and began to write a couple sentences to describe the day.
March 3rd 2013,
I’m the only one Gavin remembers. It’s really strange to me, and I’m not sure why, but I’m still glad to know I stayed in his mind, even when no one else did. By the way, for your benefit Doctor, I’m not going to swear in these reports. You’re welcome.
Gavin came back out and I quickly shut the book, putting it down then watching Gavin settle in bed before I got up to go and turn the room light off. I walked my way over to the bed and sat back down in the chair. It was more comfortable then it looked.
It was silent for a very short moment before Gavin spoke, “Michael?”
“I’m glad you’re here…” he yawned again.
I smiled, “I am to buddy. Now go to sleep shit head.”
“All right… Michael?”
“What?” I leaned back in the chair, pulling my beanie over my eyes.
“I love you…”
I opened my eyes and moved my beanie to look at him. He was passed out in a deep sleep. I stared at him through the dark, wondering what he had meant when he said that. Bro love or couples love. I sighed, wondering why I felt okay with it being the second one. I was tired. My brain was messed up. I’d sleep and take Gavin home tomorrow. To my home.
March 4th 2013,
We got to Austin around 10:30 AM this morning. Gavin was nervous. He had forgotten a lot of the plane experiences’ he’d been on. I reminded him of the few that we’d been on together aside from the hundreds I wasn’t with him, and that calmed him down. I made sure we were sitting somewhere secluded so Gavin could sleep somewhere he felt safe. He had been tossing and turning in the hospital bed last night. His dreams must have been hell. I imagine one side of his brain was his time with me, and the other side was the tormented memories of Dan or the disappearance of the recollection to everyone else that had been in his life. I hoped he would stop having the nightmares soon. They were making him confused and unsure.
When we got to my apartment, Geoff had already dropped off a bunch of important things that belonged to Gavin. Like his bed, clothing, desk and other things. Geoff wasn’t bitter, but sad that Gavin wouldn’t be living with him for a few months, depending on how long it would take Gavin to get better. I set up his room while he took a shower then we ate lunch. Gavin seem to act normal around me. Like the good, old, happy Gavin. I wondered how long that would last. I tried to refresh his memory today on the plane and at home as we played video games. I tried to be casual about it, slipping things into our conversations like the mention of the gamer score’s of everyone in the office or how some of our Minecraft Let’s Plays had turned out. A lot of the names I mentioned confused him, and soon we had to stop playing because his head hurt.
By the time night rolled around, Gavin asked if I would sleep in his room in a chair like I had at the hospital. I said yes, but only for that night. He was restless again as he slept. At one point he started screaming and I shook him awake. He went back to sleep shortly after getting a drink of water, but I could see he was reluctant. I hoped things would be better soon.
March 7th 2013,
Gavin was talking about Joe the cat today. I was so happy when he mentioned him because that meant he at least he remembered the podcasts a little. Or the studio anyway. Gavin had to take naps everyday because his head hurt a lot, especially when I was trying to talk to him about our friends back at the office. I went to work while he was napping and picked up Joe to bring him back to my apartment. He might help him remember again. Burnie gave me the okay and Gus was more than happy to see him go. They also gave me a bunch of cards and letters from people in the office. They were ‘get well’ notes. I had told people not to come to the apartment to see Gavin until he remembered a little bit more. I decided that I wouldn’t show him the cards and letters till much later in the healing process.
Gavin was over joyed to find Joe once he woke up. I told him we could keep him for a bit at the apartment, since we were getting time off work. He hadn’t really questioned it. Geoff had asked me to just stay with Gavin until I thought he was well enough to go to work.
Night still wasn’t much different. I was still sleeping in the chair next to his bed every night. I would start off in my own bed, but soon he’d scream and I went to wake him and settled him down. He screamed a little less while I was at his side. There is a little progress.
March 9th 2013,
We went to the park today. It’s been the first time since we got to Austin that I took Gavin out. He wanted to go to the park and have a picnic. I laugh now, because he’s always wanted to do that, but with all of us together. Geoff, Jack, Ray, Gavin and I. But now it was just him and I in the park.
While we were at the park, it being near the office, Burnie, Gus and Joel walked by. They saw us and walked to us. Gavin couldn’t remember who they were. It made me sad because these were the people he was always on the Roosterteeth podcast with. They said goodbye after chatting for a minute with me, Gavin hiding behind me. We went home shortly after that, and Gavin asked questions about Burnie, Gus and Joel. I thought he might remember a few things about them. Fitting their faces with his memories.
I woke up in the middle of the night to Gavin tapping my shoulder. Apparently he had had a bad dream and I hadn’t heard him as usual. It was getting difficult to go to his room every night. I lost a lot of sleep because of this, so I was tired and couldn’t hear his screaming at night anymore. He would come and wake me to follow him back to his room. I didn’t have the heart to ask him to go back to sleep by himself each night. He looked so scared and tired when he came to me. I’m still sleeping by his bed.
March 15th 2013,
I went and picked up a few things from the office for Gavin today. I picked up his Xbox, a few things from his desk and the Tower of Pimps. The guys at the office decided they wouldn’t do any more Minecraft Let’s Plays until Gavin and I got back to work once Gavin was better. They gave me the Tower to jog Gav’s memory a bit. Gavin remembered the Tower of Pimps but very faintly. He knew what it was and what it signified, but he couldn’t really place when or who had won it in our Let’s Plays, considering he couldn’t remember anyone at the office. He put it on his desk in his room proudly.
He was asking when we could go back to work. He didn’t believe that anything was wrong with him no matter how much I tried to convince him. Gavin was showing signs of progress though. As he remembers things, he doesn’t really take notice that he’d forgotten them. For example, he was talking about the RR Podcast, when just a couple days ago he didn’t know what it was when I asked him about it. He still doesn’t talk about anyone in the office or on the podcast. Just about how he use to set up for it all the time. I keep telling him stories about the people at work like they’re only my friends and not the friends he’s had for a couple years. He laughs at every one of them that are funny, like he’s never heard or been there doing the things himself before.
I sleep in a chair by his bed most nights still. Lately he’s been having nightmare more frequently. When his memories come back more and more each day, the nightmares seem to get worse. I think they were mostly of Dan. His unconscious side could easily remember his death.
March 25th 2013,
Gavin had good and bad days at this point. Today was a bad day. He couldn’t remember anything. He woke up this morning scared and frightened, not remembering where he was. Once I came into the room he remembered that he was staying in my apartment. His nightmares were starting to have effect o his conscious side.
We played capture the flag in Halo today, but he had trouble concentrating and remembering the rules. Days like these scared me.
On the days when Gavin couldn’t remember much, he slept a little more peaceful. On the days that he was feeling well and remembering a lot, his night was restless and full of screaming. He woke up screaming and reached out for me last night. He held onto my hand for reassurance. His hand connected with mine felt strangely comfortable, like it belonged there. We slept like that for the night.
March 27th 2013,
Gavin was beginning to remember people now. He remembered Kara today. He talked about her like he’d never forgotten her. I asked him questions about her and he replied with the right answers like he would have if he hadn’t forgotten about her. We spoke about funny memories with her. It made me smile to see Gavin so alive and like himself.
I invited Kara over after telling her that Gavin remembered her. She came over and hugged Gavin. He was happy to see her. We had lunch and talked about funny things. Whenever Kara spoke about someone else from the office, Gavin was confused, not knowing who it was. After Kara left, Gavin asked if we could have her over again tomorrow. I was happy to have her over if it would help Gavin.
Since I couldn’t hear Gavin scream anymore while I slept, he still came to my room every night after having a night mare, waking me up to follow him back to his room. Except this time he didn’t. Last night when he came to my room, instead of waking me up, he climbed right into my bed and lied down right next to me. By the time I woke up and noticed, he was already curled into my side and sleeping peacefully. He didn’t stir or scream throughout the whole night. I slept him sleep there the whole night. And just like our hands, once next to each other, our bodies felt like they belonged, curled up next to one another. I don’t know what was coming over me. I was feeling strong things for my friend. Things I’ve never felt before with anyone else.
March 31st 2013,
Gavin was sad today. Since he was starting to remember his family, he’s been happy, talking about them a lot and on the phone with them. But today, he remembered his grandfather who he was really close to. He remembered that his grandfather died last year. He was upset enough when it had happened, but now he was re-living it.
I found him crying in the kitchen when I got home from picking up lunch. I put our lunch down and went to him. He looked at me and I took him into a hug. He cried on my shoulder for while, until the point where he couldn’t cry anymore and our food was cold. We ate then he told me stories about his grandfather. I’d heard most of them before, but I didn’t mind hearing them again. After a while he laid his head in my lap while we sat on the couch and he fell asleep. I subconsciously started running my fingers through his hair. He mumbled and smiled in his sleep as I did. I couldn’t help but think about how adorable he looked while he slept like this. We stayed like this for a good part of the afternoon.
Gavin slept in my bed every night. Honestly, I didn’t have a problem with it at all. It seemed like the more he slept in my bed, the more and more he remembered each day. He hardly ever had nightmares bad enough to scream at it. And if he did, I would wake him up and tell him he’d be okay. I would wake up in the night, feeling him holding my hand. I put my arms around him when I felt him shivering. I loved having him close to me. I loved a lot of things about Gavin lately. The way he laughed, the way he slept, the way he walked, the way he said my name. His dumb British terms and his own made up ones still annoyed me, but he wouldn’t be my Gavin without them. I wonder if he thought these things about me…
April 2th 2013,
Gavin and I kissed today. I couldn’t believe it. It was a slow, romantic kiss. What more I couldn’t believe, was how right it felt. How it felt like we’d been doing it for a long time now. It felt familiar and safe.
I don’t really know what brought it on. We were talking about some people at work. He remembered Monty, Miles, Kerry, Chris and Brandon today. (Actually, I was wondering why he still hadn’t remembered the people in the Achievement Hunter office yet). While we were talking about them a funny moment came up, where we were both laughing like we didn’t have a care in the world. As we tried to catch our breath from our laughing fit, he kind of just stared at me. I looked back at him and he slowly moved closer to me. It all happened really fast. Suddenly he was kissing me and I was kissing back. I felt so light headed. As I write this, I feel like I am still riding the high from the feeling of his lips with mine.
We slept close that night. I kept my arms around him as Gavin pressed into me. For some reason, I couldn’t fathom why we hadn’t been like this the whole time we’ve known each other. Aside from that fact that I didn’t think either of us were gay. I didn’t really care though. We were both happy, and this must have been doing something to help Gavin, because as we’ve come closer and closer over the month, he’s been remembering a lot. I hoped he would remember Geoff, Jack, Ray and Ryan again soon. I kissed his head before falling asleep that night. I was in love with Gavin, my best friend.
April 17th 2013,
Gavin finally remembered enough people from the Roosterteeth building that I thought it was safe to bring him down to work for a quick visit. We also both decided that we would tell everyone that we were together. We both confessed our love for each other to one another, so we felt that we should confess to our friends and colleagues to. I was nervous that if Gavin saw all of his friends again it would be an overload for him. I was confident though. Gavin was nervous to, but he was nervous to tell everyone we were together, especially Geoff, Jack, Ray and Ryan, the people we work with closely and the most.
I drove us to the building while trying to sooth Gavin’s nerves. This was the first time Gavin was seeing everyone again all at the same time since the accident. To him, it was like he never forgot, but I was a little frightened, hoping nothing would trigger his brain to return to what it was before. Now that Gavin and I were together, I couldn’t bare for it to go back to before. I honestly don’t know how I did it before. I loved him now, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him or his love. I had asked everyone to act like everything was normal, act like he’d never gotten sick. So when came into the office, I put my arm around his shoulder comfortingly and we walked in, instantly being greeted by Kara. As we made our way to the Achievement Hunter office, a lot of people found us and said hi, trying to hide their over excitement to see him back. Once we got to the office, we were instantly crowded, and I was worried, but Gavin handed it very well, and I let him go so everyone could hug him. Geoff missed him a lot. He hugged and talked to him the longest. Once we got our reunion out of the way, I took Gavin’s hand and pulled him close, telling everyone that we were in love. They were all extremely surprised and had a hard time believing me because of how our relationship had been before the accident. They all accepted it though, and that’s all that had mattered to me.
Gavin was really happy that night when we went to bed. It was the happiest I seen him since before the accident. When I asked him why he was so happy, he said it was because everything was perfect in his life. He said his friends were perfect and his love was perfect. I could have cried when he said that. I’ve realized Gavin was the only one who could make me cry now. We slept very close that night. I felt like our bodies resembled one person only that night. I was so happy.
April 25th 2013,
This is my last report I am sending. Gavin is almost completely back to normal now. His entire memory of his family, his friends and colleagues and of things he’s done in the past are all back now. It’s like nothing changed. Things were so much better now, especially now that Gav and I were together.
I couldn’t help but be thankful every day. Something horrible had to happen for us to fall in love, and we lost a dear friend, but I know, if Dan was still alive, he would wish as well and be happy for us. Gavin still couldn’t remember Dan. He couldn’t remember him, or him being in anyone of his memories from the past. Whenever I mentioned the Slo Mo Guys, he didn’t know what it was. He had no recollection of ever doing it, or of Dan being a part of his life.
I can’t just let him forget. Dan was someone special to him. He was his best friend. I knew that if I had forgotten about Gavin and he was gone, I would want someone to remind me, just so I could remember and keep the memories of him that I held so dearly. Dan didn’t deserve to be forgotten, and Gavin didn’t deserve to be missing such a huge part of his life.
Michael’s POV (Point of View [STILL])
“Gavin, hurry up!” I yelled to him from the office; he was talking to Ryan across the hall in the warehouse.
We were officially back at work and holy shit were Gavin and I glad to be. I loved my work and so did Gavin. I had missed everyone so fucking much while I was gone with Gavin, that it felt so refreshing to be able to sit and have lunch with all our friends. Everyone was still getting use to Gavin and I being together, but I don’t think anyone was really bothered by it. We tried to tone down our behaviour at work anyway.
I huffed as he still hadn’t come, “Gavin, what the fuck? Get your ass over here!” Everyone was still glad that I treated Gavin the same as I had before, aside from holding his hand happily.
“Sorry Michael!” He called as he ran through and into the office, me ready to go.
“Soree Mi-cool!” I teased him with a grin.
He glared and hit me on the arm. I caught his hand and pulled him toward me. I connected my lips to his. He happily kissed back. We stayed like that for a few moments before Ryan,-being the only one left in the office besides us- cleared his throat in the door way. We parted and I looked at him, still keeping a hold on Gavin’s hand. Gavin was blushing, but I didn’t give a shit.
“I’m heading home now, will you two be leaving soon to?” he raised a brow at Gavin’s blushing.
I nodded, “right away. Once this lazy ass get’s ready,” I glanced at Gavin, which made him blush more.
Ryan nodded, waved, then turned and headed for the exit of the building. I watched him go before turning to Gavin. I smacked him on the ass and knocked my hip into his to push him towards his desk. He moved and got his shit before returning to my side. I smiled slightly at him and took his hand.
I drove us home with the idea of how tonight would go. Tonight wouldn’t have been too different from any other night for Gavin, but tonight I planned to get Gavin to remember Dan. He still hadn’t talked about Dan after he regained his memories. Our nights were almost always peaceful. Some nights Gavin still fucking screamed. I knew he would continue to have the occasional nightmare where he woke up sweaty, terrified and out of breath. He would continue to have them until the lingering lost memory of Dan was remembered and he had closure on Dan’s death. Once he remembered, he could safely tuck away Dan’s death, and remember him as his best friends, and not just fucking someone he cared about who died.
When we got home I told Gavin to go and get pyjamas on to watch a movie before bed. It was actually so I could go on the Slo Mo Guys YouTube account and pull up some videos Gavin and Dan in them. I still had the footage of Dan getting in to the fucking accident somewhere safe. It was Gavin’s footage, so I would give it to him once he remembered Dan enough, so he could do with it what he wished.
“Gav,” I called to him.
Gavin’s POV (Point of View)
“Gav,” Michael called.
I walked out of our room and to the computer where he stood, “yeah?”
“Come sit down for a second. I want to show you something,” he said quietly.
I looked at him strangely. I slowly sat down and looked at the screen. He opened a tab that had YouTube loaded on it. I looked back at Michael. His hands were shaking. He was extremely nervous about something. I put a hand on his tattooed arm in hopes of calming him down, not really sure why he was so nervous. He smiled at me sort of sadly then clicked a video on to play.
I was on the video. I looked at it, confused, not remembering when I had shot a video in England, if that’s where it looked like I was. I looked at it strangely.
“Michael, what is this…?”
“Shh. Just watch until the end, okay? Trust me Gavin,” he grasped my shoulder lightly.
I nodded slowly then looked back to the video. Then all the sudden my eyes went wide as I heard a voice. Such a familiar voice that I hadn’t for a while. I watched the screen intensely, until he came into frame. He. I couldn’t think of a name to fit his face. But for some reason, I knew him. He was important to me. That’s what my thoughts told me.
I could feel Michael’s gaze heavy on me. I stared at the screen until I heard his name said by me. Dan. His name was Dan. I looked at the screen for the answers of where he was from. Then it hit me.
I felt like a ton of bricks were let go on my shoulders. I felt a heavy wave of sadness go over me. I knew who he was. I knew what happened to him. He was my best mate. And he died, doing what he loved.
I was suddenly gripping the screen. I leaned my head against it and let out a choked sob. I couldn’t hold back the tears for Michael, not for anyone. It felt like a wave crashed on me, and that the crying would never stop. I felt Michael’s arms around me, willing me out of the computer chair. I shook my head and kept my fingers clamped around the computer monitor.
I couldn’t believe how much I missed him. I couldn’t believe he was gone. I wanted to call him, or go down to England to make sure it was true. That he wasn’t really dead, and that he was the one wondering where I had gone. I wished so much that that was the truth, no matter how much I knew it wasn’t.
“Gavin, c’mon, lay in bed with me…” I heard Michael’s soothing words.
I knew he was trying to help, and I so much wanted to follow his orders, but I couldn’t stop the wave of emotion flowing through me. I remembered everything from leading up to the accident to him touching my arm with a thickly bandaged hand. He died so quickly and unfairly.
I sniffled and tried to catch my breath. Michael wiped the tears from my face. I leaned into his hand and leaned against his chest as I sat there. He was whispering words of assurance to me. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to escape the memories of Dan with glazed over eyes.
I couldn’t though. I couldn’t run away anymore. I needed to end things, even if it was difficult. I took Michael’s hand and kissed it gratefully. I sat there for a moment, his hand against my face, loving the feeling of his touch. I looked up at him.
“Michael… I’d like to be alone, if you don’t mind,” I tried to stop my crying in between words.
He nodded understandingly and pecked my lips before wiping the more of my tears away, “just come to bed when you’re ready.”
I nodded, “I love you Michael…”
“I love you to Gav,” he smiled before turning down the hall and to our bedroom.
As soon as he left, I got to work.
I was up all night working on what I knew would help me make amends with Dan’s death. I made a montage video. It was a bunch of clips taken from several Slo Mo Guys videos and put together. I drank coffee all night, trying to get it done in time to show Michael when he woke in the morning.
I did cry a lot during making the montage, but I realized during the end when I was almost finished, that Dan wouldn’t want me to cry. He would want me to stay strong and finish the video. For him.
By the time I was done, something was missing. I couldn’t really put my finger on it until I remembered what Dan had said to me in the hospital before he died.
“Did we get the shot? Of the gasoline burning?” “Good… make sure it goes up, okay?”
I knew Michael had my camera’s so the footage had to be somewhere with them. I got up and quickly found the cameras and the memory with the footage on them.
I couldn’t watch the whole thing. Not after the burning gasoline came halfway down. I shut it off and clipped it, trying not to cry. I attached it to the end of the video and watched through, resisting my urge to break down.
I would release this video on our channel. Mine and Dan’s channel. I won’t do Slo Mo Guys any more. Not without Dan. Putting this video up felt like, whether it is a sad ending, it was still a good ending to the Slo Mo Guys. Dan would have been proud. That’s what kept me from quitting making the video.
“As you all may have known, I haven’t been around the internet in the past three months or so. I’ve been going through a very rough time in my life… and I needed to heal before I could face you all again. Unfortunately, Dan wasn’t able to heal with me. He died doing what he loved. He died with honour, and dedication. He died a brave man. He died, as my best friend, Dan Gruchy. I miss him very much, very, very much. But I think this video will be a little bit of closure for all of us. Thank you long time or new viewers. Thank you for the ride.”
I stared at the camera, forcing myself to compose and not cry. As I looked at Michael who was side the camera, I felt a little better, forcing down my sadness. We were outside filming the intro to the last Slo Mo Guys video that will ever be realised. Michael was here to help me and for emotional support. I was glad to have him with me. I don’t know if I would have been able to do it without him. I walked into his arms once it was done and he hugged me and kissed my head.
I sighed but smile, “thank you Michael…” I looked to the camera, “I guess we should go release it.” Michael nodded and I just smiled slightly, “I love you.”
“I love you to Gavin.”